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От : Helpful 2:5075/128 11 сен 23 23:59:49
К : ?????????? Jen=?UTF-8?B?8J+MiPCfkpD 11 сен 23 03:02:01
Тема : Re: You`re still waiting?
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@PID: Mime 1.0
@TID: FIDOGATE-5.12-ge4e8b94
stupid shit
wrote in
news:=?UTF-8?Q?=F0=9F=8C=BA?=9jD6lgRlaNWNp50@237.113.20.198=?UTF-8?Q?=F0=
9F=8C=BA?=:
>
> I`m still waiting for Red Elephant, Syncity, and/or locogh0st to
> murder me for using the restroom as they threatened (nee: "fucking
> promised").
>
> They said there "isn`t a fucking FBI agent nor a cop that will do jack
> shit aboiut it" . The FBI agent
> that I spoke with concerning that type of lawless threat "enjoyed"
> that bit of bravado. Seeing as there is no longer a "Cyber Space
> Mafia" ha><0r consortium anywhere on usenet or the darknet, something
> might have gotten done about that, eh?
>
> Still waiting also for Moleckster to "serve me" too. ...or for Skeet
> to show up: "I`m up for a trip to Pitts"
> <6u4mchpoa1sbcg4i0cjpntoct3dr9p8a36@4ax.com>
Impatient?
Ok, so you`ve called, texted or chatted and decided to give suicide the
green light anyway?well, that`s your journey and there`s a place reserved
for you in Hell.
With that said, I am here to help you dumbasses do it the right way. Why?
To spare you unnecessary pain, make it a little less gory, and minimize
the paramedics` laughter when they find you dead from overdosing on
Flintstone vitamins (it`s happened).
1. The Gun
A top choice for suicide, especially for men. Some people have seen too
many movies though. If you think that any old gun is a half-second click
away from ?lights out,? then you may be in for an unpleasant experience.
First, DO NOT USE a .22 caliber weapon, or any weak ass gun for that
matter. You`ll thank me (or maybe you won`t, because you`re dead) when
you`re not a drooling vegetable in a hospital for the rest of your shitty
days.
A small handgun can do four things:
Kill you.
Make you bleed out for 2+ agonizing hours before killing you.
Put you in a coma forever.
Not kill you.
Get a .45 caliber weapon, or even better, A SHOTGUN! But don`t expect an
open casket with those fuckers.
How to do it: Put the god forsaken thing in your mouth POINTING UP to the
sky. Not kinda up, not angled up, STRAIGHT UP (don`t half ass it!!). If
you put the weapon in your mouth pointing to the back of your neck/lower
head, then death may not be instant and you may endure some unnecessary
suffering.
2. Drowning
Unless you hate yourself, don`t be a DUMBASS and drown yourself. It is
known as one of the most painful ways to die (don`t ask me how people
know) and can take up to three minutes to lose consciousness.
If you choose to do it, go to a lake/ocean and swim 10-15 feet deep and
take a deep breath (your bathtub or kitchen sink will be too challenging
to kill yourself in). You`ll then come to the quick realization that you
are in fact a dumbass and should have chosen a less painful way to go
(example: jumping into a pit of diamond back rattlesnakes).
3. Hanging
This is a tough one. Will you choose to tie yourself up and kick the chair
beneath you, causing moments of breathless agony and unnecessary pain? OR?
tie yourself up and jump off a 12-foot ledge, instantly snapping your neck
and possibly decapitating you?
I advise option two (again, it just depends how much you hate yourself).
To limit the mess, jump off a 5- to 6-foot ledge. Don`t lose your head now
(L0Lz).
4. Slitting Your Wrist
Unless you put on some soothing music, make yourself a bubble bath, and
slice your wrists up in the tub? it`s going to be messy.
Since this is a lame way to kill yourself, I don`t remember if it`s ?down
the street? or ?across the tracks,? and I`m too tired at this point to
check Yahoo Answers for it so? fuck me. I guess I`m no help here. Just cut
your fucking hand off with a table saw. That`s probably more effective
than ?up the hop-scotch? or ?across the playground? or whatever the fuck?.
5. Pills
This is risky. Not like anything matters at this point though, right? Pill
suicide works just as much as it doesn`t. The upside is that it`s not a
gory death. It WILL be painful, but mostly just puking and possibly
shitting all over yourself. And your chances of survival are much greater
than a shotgun suicide (to say the least).
Your chances of survival depend upon whether your roommates find you soon
enough. You shouldn`t last longer than 3-5 hours after ingestion.
If you do survive, though, you`ll have all the attention in the world from
your friends and family. Maybe even go on Oprah after you write an
autobiography called ?My Journey? about how you were picked on in high
school for having a tiny dick and later survived suicide.
6. Jumping
If you`re not immediately scared to jump, you`re not high enough yet.
Please listen: A 2-STORY HOUSE IS NOT HIGH ENOUGH!! Nor is a 3-story
house! Jump off something badass like a skyscraper or the Colosseum in
Rome.
Jumping off grandma`s garage will just hurt a lot and maybe even paralyze
you. Remember: HEAD FIRST, and don`t expect an open casket.
Okay, that`s good enough.
--- Mime 1.0
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