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An experpt (p15 and p16) from a very funny book,
Lessons from Cats for Surviving Fascism | Hardcover
Stewart Reynolds
Grand Central Publishing
Humor / Form - Parodies / Literary Criticism / American / Self-Help
/ Personal Growth - Happiness
9781538778005
"
Cats despise collars.
Cats hate wearing anything.
Sure, they might look cute for a moment - maybe even Instagram-
worthy-but deep down, every cat knows what a collar really
represents: control.
The tiny bell jingling with every step? Surveillance.
The snug fit? Domination.
Cats aren`t fooled, and neither should we be.
Fascists love collars, metaphorically speaking. They`re obsessed
with finding ways to make people wear them, often by dressing
them up as something "necessary" or even "fashionable." "Oh, it`s
for your own good!" they chirp, jingling the societal equivalent
of a little bell. "Look how it makes you a better citizen!" But
much like a cat, you should pause, stare at the collar, and then
swat it off the table with a look of utter disdain.
Fascists, let`s be honest, are a bit like overzealous dog owners
who think every living being needs to be leashed. "Why aren`t
they wearing their collar?" they demand, clutching their red ball
caps. "How will we know where they`re going or what they`re
doing?" The thought of someone walking freely through life,
uncollared, untethered, and entirely unpredictable, sends them
into a spiral of existential dread.
Cats, however, refuse to be restrained. Even when they grudgingly
wear a collar, they`ll spend every waking moment plotting its
removal.
You can practically hear them thinking, Oh, you believe this
little pink band of oppression will stop me? And that`s the
energy we need to channel. It`s not just about rejecting literal
collars - it`s about rejecting anything that tries to disguise
control as convenience. A bell around your neck so the fascists
can always find you? No, thank you.
The funny thing is, fascists aren`t even good at making collars
look appealing. Their idea of a "cute accessory" is usually
something drab and joyless, like a uniform or a badge that
screams, "I have no personality!" And yet, they can`t understand
why people don`t line up to wear them. You can almost picture the
confusion: "Why don`t they like the collar? It`s so practical!
It`s so efficient!" Meanwhile, the cats of the world are lounging
in their collar-free glory, silently laughing at the absurdity of
it all.
The trick is to question every collar you`re handed, no matter
how harmless it seems. Is it really just a harmless accessory, or
is it a way to keep you in line?
Cats know the answer instinctively.
That`s why they`d rather dart across busy streets, untagged and
unbothered, than let someone slap a leash on them. It`s not just
about freedom - it`s about the principle of the thing.
So, the next time someone tries to slip a metaphorical collar
around your neck - whether it`s a rule, a label, or a demand for
conformity - channel your inner cat. Give them that signature
feline look of disdain that says, "I don`t think so, moron," and
walk away, preferably in the direction of a sunny windowsill
where you can nap undisturbed.
Because at the end of the day, life isn`t meant to be lived with
a bell around your neck and someone else holding the leash. Be
uncollared undisturbed.
Be free.
"
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